Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
