Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
