I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize