Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
