I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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