I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
