This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I am one with the molecules
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
