What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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