Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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