I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
