Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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