OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
