So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Is it penis luge time yet?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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