Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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