Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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