is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
