Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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