we have pet lesbian snakes
Welp...herpes.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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