Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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