the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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