ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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