I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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