Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
