brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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