Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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