paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Randomize
