we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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