Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
