after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
