can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
