Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
