and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
