oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Girls should come with a carfax report
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
