if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
