my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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