If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
