she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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