All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
