oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i came on her dog
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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