At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
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