What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
