your room smells of hookers.
And success
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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