I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
