I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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