Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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