The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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