i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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