i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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