If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
