just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You took a bar mat shot.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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