If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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