and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
