and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
