ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My penis needs a shock collar
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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