What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
