Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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