I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
