As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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