she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She just used a chaser for red wine.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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