Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
