No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
