I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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