We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
