Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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