pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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