1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I want her autograph on my taint
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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