I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
