quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
