Me. At least after what I've been through.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
