I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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