I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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