His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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