Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
