He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
