In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
