i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
